As many of you know I have been on sabbatical for the last 9 weeks. It has been good to relax, rest and spend most of the time in prayer. Here is a copy of my sabbatical reflection paper. I hope you enjoy it and would love to hear your comments.
“The news is that God’s wind is blowing.
It may be a breeze that cools and comforts.
It may be a gust that summons you to notice.
It may be a storm that blows you where you have never been before. . .
Whatever the wind is in your life,
pay attention to it. . .
and the blessing of God,
Father, Son, and Spirit,
will abide with you always.”
- Walter Brueggemann
The Springtimes in Oklahoma are some of my fondest memories growing up. They always brought the birthing of life amidst the drab and colorless death of winter. The many hues of green would burst forth from inside the branches of trees and shrubs. Then would come the blues of Spring skies. Finally the reds, oranges and purples would erupt to produce a carpet of flowers to enjoy and savor.
As all of this is occurring, the wind would blow. It would lose its biting cold of winter and embrace the warmth of the sun. Sometimes it would gently caress and kiss my face as I would enjoy being outdoors. Other times it would blow so intensely houses and lives would be uprooted in tornados. One could always count on the wind.
I could always see the evidence of wind. Whether the trees were gently swaying back and forth or birds were being forced to fly in a direction they did not want, the wind was there. On occasion my family would experience the wind together as each of us would fly kites and embraced that unseen movement.
From the effort to get the kite caught in the wind, to enjoying the flying of the kite, flying kites has always been a favorite activity of mine. There is something mystical about a string, a kite and some wind. I have always been amazed that the kite does absolutely no work, it just listens to the call of the wind. The wind is what whispers elevation and distance into the kite. As the kite listens, it begins to move to the sound of the voice of the wind. And the string, it keeps the kite connected to the ground, occasionally giving direction. As simple as that explanation is, the experience of flying a kite can be spiritual.
As I have spent the last few weeks in sabbatical, I have come to appreciate kite flying as a metaphor for journeying with God (in prayer). Prayer has become so much more to me than I could have ever imagined. When I use the word prayer, I am not talking about the action of prayer, I am using prayer as who I am–my being or essence. Let me go back to the kite metaphor to help explain this.
If I were to describe a kite, I might look in the dictionary and find the definition, which would go something like this:
A toy consisting of a light frame with thin material stretched over it,
flown in the wind at the end of a long string.
This definition describes a kite but is missing something. So I might try to further describe a kite as colorful, birdlike or any other image that is beautifully portrayed on the fabric.
Again both of these definitions help me to visualize the image and mechanics of a kite but both are lacking in the essence of a kite. What is a kite? [Reflect on that before you read on.]
A kite is simply a vehicle that opens itself up to the whisperings and movements of the wind as it loses itself in the wind. When we talk about what a kite is, a kite becomes less about the description of the framework, material, color or how one flies a kite, and takes on a deeper meaning.
That brings me back to prayer, we use phrases like “I need to pray” or “Let us pray” or “I will pray for you”. We use prayer as an action, a verb. And that is prayer but prayer is so much more than just an action that we do occasionally during the day. Tilden Edwards writes,
“Authentic prayer is opening to God’s gracious presence with all that we are, with what Scripture summarizes as our whole heart, soul, and mind (Matt. 22.37). Therefore prayer is more a way of being than an isolated act of doing.” (emphasis added is mine)
Imagine a kite as it opens itself to the presence of the wind. It struggles the first few feet to let go of it’s stationary stature and once free begins to rise and become one with the wind. The more the kite embraces the wind, the higher elevation is spoken into the kite. It is not so much the kite telling the wind what to do or talking to the wind, the sole essence of the kite is listening to the movements and whispers of the wind.
This is what prayer has transformed into during my sabbatical. It has continued to become who I am. When I was younger, prayer was always a one-way communication. It was always an action of speaking my desires and wishes to a man behind a curtain who was there to grant my every wish. So I would talk and talk and talk presenting my desires and wishes (not all of them were from a selfish motive), expecting the great Oz to answer them.
As spiritual formation began to happen, prayer has become less a verb and more my essence. As I am opening myself up to God’s presence and whispers, sometimes HE will speak. These times are truly spiritual. But seem very few and far between. I can count on one hand how many times God has revealed himself to me this way.
The more the Spirit continues to transform, prayer becomes more about being with God. It is not necessarily concerned with the many requests or even the fascination of hearing a word from the Lord, these can be important in different times of my life, but prayer is about being with God.
Picture the kite again. Imagine the kite is way up in the sky and the string is pulled taut, almost on the verge of breaking. Everything in the kite is yearning to be set free in the wind. The kite is desiring to be lost in the wind.
This is the best way I can even begin to describe prayer as being with God. We become lost in all that is God. An unknown author once wrote,
“He is your being and in him, you are what you are, not only because he is the cause and being of all that exists, but because he is your cause and the deep center of your being.”
The very things that we have striven our lives to identify ourselves as, no longer take importance in our lives and we are content with losing ourselves in God. This is prayer that is being not something that you do.
“Anything we do with our bodies is a form of prayer when our central intent is opening to God’s presence through it.” [Living in the Presence pg. 17]
When prayer becomes our being, everything we do becomes a part of prayer–driving to work, playing with kids, speaking to friends and strangers, breathing, etc. Because prayer has become who we are (opening of ourselves and losing ourselves in God), our lives are transformed into prayer.
I am learning that surrendering everything to God is essential in this. During this sabbatical, God has constantly been bringing before my heart areas I have not surrendered to him. Some of these areas I have not been able to surrender to him until now, others I have fought long and hard for many years to keep from surrendering to him (and possibly will continue to fight him in surrendering). This surrendering is part of the opening process. I must be willing to allow God to possess everything that I am–my essence. I must truly be lost in him, so there is no distinguishing between me and him. I think of Jesus on the Mount of Olives. He speaks these words to God, “If you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done. . .In his anguish he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down on the ground.” Even Jesus struggled surrendering everything to God, but in the end Jesus was willing to surrender and be lost in the being of God. He was willing to lose everything that distinguished himself a part from God, in this case his desires, in order to be open to God. Much like the unknown author is writing about. But the author would caution with the following:
“. . .he is your being but you are not his.”
I do not go as far to say that I become God. Let me return to the kite metaphor. When the kite breaks free from the string and becomes lost in the wind, the kite becomes caught up in the being of the wind. But the kite will never be the wind.
This has not been easy. I have not enjoyed the days upon days God has brought forth things that I need to surrender to him. In some cases a constant bombardment of how much I have not lost myself in God. I wish these times on no one and everyone. Because it is in going through these times that we learn to open ourselves up to God and in the opening of ourselves to him, we become lost in him. Our lives become prayer. Our being becomes lost in the being of God. Paul would write, “in him we live and move and have our being”. When this happens, prayer becomes who we are not something we do.
God’s wind is blowing. So, I continue to struggle in opening myself up to God and surrendering to him in what some might describe as seeking without seeking, so that I might be with God.
“The giving of God that populates our past and the reliability of God that marks our future makes life in the present different.”
The view from the base of the mountains is breathtaking and inspiring but also daunting and unknown. We stand at the base looking up, not because of the terrain but because we know only God can lead us in the direction of the future–a future that may possibly mean new companions. Our present is different because of our past (including our limited experience in Uganda) and future. We view things differently. So we stand at the base, in the present, waiting…
